Alternative careers 
(Senior Monkey, 85 
Points) on 5/14/11 at 4:56am
There've been a couple of posts on this board about good alternatives to Law. Some of you think consulting is better, or getting an MBA, even the Special Forces or what have you.
Well, I want to put my two cents in. If I could go back in time and make all my choices again, I wouldn't be a lawyer. I'd be a career criminal. Just think about it.
The benefits of doing time in jail instead of an associate’s cube:
- In jail, you get to sleep. A lot. Probably at least double the hours that I get.
- You get to read all the books you want. I haven't read a book since I started.
- You get to make occasional private phone calls to your family. As for me, I can't remember the last time I talked to my mother without the whole floor being able to hear me.
- You get to exercise on a daily basis. Associates don't. I sure as hell don't.
- Your cell is bigger than a cubicle, AND it contains a toilet -- no walking across the whole damn floor every time you need to pee.
- You have the right to get laid. They even give you some time and privacy for your conjugal visit. In contrast, it's been forever since I had time to get laid.
- You get haircuts in jail. I've been trying to find time to get one since December. My split ends have split ends.
If you're sick in jail, you get healthcare. As an associate, good luck finding time. - If you get REALLY sick in jail, you get a doctor. As an associate, you just keep putting it off until you get better on your own or end up in the hospital.
- In jail you have the right to bathe and groom yourself every day. As an associate, those things sometimes have to take a back seat.
Sure, in jail you may not have the freedom to go anywhere. Your social life is over. You may even only see sunlight once or twice a week. Your family and friends may give up on you. You become a social pariah, of course. People look down on you for screwing up your life so badly. And if you ever manage to get a parole, it can be very hard to make the transition back to life on the outside.
Seriously, though, how different is that from Law?
Yes, I'm sure it's the lack
by legallyblondeYes, I'm sure it's the lack of time that's keeping you from getting laid. :)
legallyblonde wrote: Yes, I'm
by jd12Yes, I'm sure it's the lack of time that's keeping you from getting laid. :)
Thanks for the support, LB. :( I guess you're right -- it really won't take more than 5 minutes out of my schedule. (j/k)
jd12 wrote: Thanks for the
by ChiminichangaThanks for the support, LB. :( I guess you're right -- it really won't take more than 5 minutes out of my schedule. (j/k)
Hahahaha -- so the rumors are true!
Allow me to answer this in
by D MAllow me to answer this in order:
-In jail you get time to sleep... if you're okay with your 350 pound cell mate slipping it in from behind. If you're female, insert something sexual here that turns you off.
-You get to read books. Great. You never get to put what you learned in those books to use. Unless they put out some Macgyver books that I haven't heard about
-You get to make phone calls that, while your entire floor can't here you, the entire prison can. Don't kid yourself into thinking they're private.
-You get to exercise daily in the yard, yes. You also get to fear for the sharpened toothbrush Jamal is packing. If you think that statement is racist, let me change it up for you. You also get to fear for the sharpened toothbrush Alfred is packing.
-When your toilet floods, so does your bedroom
-You have the right to get laid in some circumstances, yes. You also have the chance to get laid by the gentleman or lady that's taken a liking to your sweet, smooth ass from cell block D. And you don't say no to the guys/gals on cell block D.
-In jail, you want to have split ends, makes you less appetizing. Haircuts are only so you look better from behind.
-Being sick in jail is the best experience you will have in jail.
-You have the right to bathe yourself. Just don't drop the soap.
While an amusing analogy, trust me, jail and law are very different. I don't know from experience, just from some strong anecdotal evidence.
Oh, and the way I hear it, exit ops are pretty limited
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