The associate's staffer translation handbook
I put this together for all the new lawyer-monkeys out there, heading out to take over the world.
Hope this will help you in your transition. Enjoy.
Recruitment
Work-life balance
Work-drinking balance
Work hard, play hard
Work hard, drink a lot
We have a collegial environment.
We go out drinking every night together.
We like to have our own social lives.
We go out drinking every night alone.
We have a more mature environment.
We drink at work instead.
This is a lifestyle group.
We are desperate for associates.
This is a laid-back group.
We are desperate for associates.
We don't believe in face time.
We are desperate for associates.
Our associates and partners go out together frequently.
Our partners are very lonely people.
Our practice head goes out with us frequently.
Our practice head is having a mid-life crisis.
Our practice head is very hip.
Our practice head should be in rehab.
Our practice head is taking a sabbatical.
Our practice head is in rehab.
Our practice head is a real trip to work with.
Our practice head alternates between being very hip and taking a sabbatical.
We're rising up the rankings...
... and would you also believe that we don't work weekends?
Staffing
Please let me have an idea of your bandwidth over the next few days.
Bend over... here it comes.
Ted is a little slammed right now on something else. Can you take over his case just for the afternoon?
Ted is a little slammed right now on something else. Can you work on Ted's case just for the next two weeks?
I know it's Friday night and you've been pulling a lot of all-nighters this week, but an emergency just came up and...
God, I love this job.
Special Requests
You'll have to talk about taking that day off with your teams.
I'm not going to bat for you on this.
You'll have to negotiate these deadlines with your teams.
I'm not going to bat for you on this.
If you're sick you'll have to work it out with your teams.
Suck it up, kid. I'm not going to bat for you on this.
Oh god, I'm very sorry your mom died. Why don't you talk to your teams?
Wow, tough shit. I'm not going to bat for you on this.
Review time!
We need to see some more commitment.
You actually BELIEVED what I said in the beginning about this group not putting in face time?
We need to see you paying a lot more attention to detail.
I couldn't figure out anything serious to ding you on, but I can't let you think you're actually doing well or else we'll have to pay you top bucket.
August
Sure, I'll look into that for you.
Do not bother me when I'm in the Hamptons.
You're actually not the only associate in the group that's triple-staffed right now.
Do not bother me when I'm in the Hamptons.
I know you're feeling a little understaffed. Let's meet up and chat next week.
Do not bother me when I'm in the Hamptons.
Hello, you've reached the voice mailbox of...
I don't even want to think about it until I'm back from the Hamptons.
Negotiations
Yes.
Maybe.
No.
Maybe.
It is what it is.
This topic is closed.
We'll see.
This is your one and only warning to stop asking questions.
I don't remember saying that.
Attention to detail is critical for associates, not partners.
Hello, you've reached the voice mailbox of...
Responsiveness is critical for associates, not partners.





LMAO that was great, thanks
LMAO that was great, thanks jd12, though if I ever heard someone use the word hip when interviewing for a job I'd probably just crack up and lose the offer anyways
Reminds me a lot of what I
Reminds me a lot of what I hear working as an intern!
Haha -- We provide towncars
Haha -- We provide towncars as a convenience for our associates. (Even cab drivers will be asleep by the time you get out of work).
Comment has been deleted :)
Comment has been deleted :)
Hi, Thanks very much for this
Hi,
Thanks very much for this comment. It help me to think about my ideals.
Tks again and pls keep posting.
If you want to get more materials that related to this topic, you can visit: http://careerhandbook.info/
Best regards.
j.b.e.8491 wrote: Reminds me
Reminds me a lot of what I hear working as an intern!
... I hear this all the time....
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